so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
