why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
