So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
