Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Naked. naked and bneed help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
