so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
