I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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