quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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