I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize