When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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