i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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