Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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