my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
