I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize