Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize