i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
