just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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