woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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