This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
