she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
