i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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