whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
