One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
