areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
