Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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