That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
