Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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