update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
