I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
