this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
