He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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