Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
