after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
