apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
