i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
