Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
