My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
