I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
