I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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