Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone came in the potted fern
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
