Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
