She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
