i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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