I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
