A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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