wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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