Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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