It's Friday. Sex?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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