what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
