Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize