Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
