so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
