There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
