I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
