is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
