One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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