Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
