butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
