im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
