where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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