can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
