i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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