the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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