if you like me you must not know who I am
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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