ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
