11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
