If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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