i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
