The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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