I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
