I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
