Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize