she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize