I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
