omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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