don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
