So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
