he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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