my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I look better un-naked...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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