bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize