Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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