It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
