You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
