dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
