This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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