ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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