probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
