One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
