We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
